I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
