margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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