Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
