I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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