If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
