Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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