I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize