people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
