I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
