Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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