Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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