had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
