She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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