I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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