I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
