Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
