My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize