He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
