she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
