I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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