is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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