you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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