I wish I only lived at night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
