We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
