Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
