remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
