Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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