if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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