Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
