The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
