Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
