Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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