It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
