you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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