You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
