he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
