Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
