Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I touched a dick in church today
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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