I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize