I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
