have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
