I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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