Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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