She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My feet surprised me
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