Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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