Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
