when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize