3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
