I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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