I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
