.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize