I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
