So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
