dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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