I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
