I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
