Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
