Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
