i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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