Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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