I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
