Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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