Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
