med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
