You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if only i could text you this smell
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
