dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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