Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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