What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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