And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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