you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
