Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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