Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
