Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
