I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
