dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
