meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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