So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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