do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize