I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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