I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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