Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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