I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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