It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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