that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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