I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
