So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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