My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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